It’s that time of year again where we turn a new page and we make promises to ourselves for how to improve our lives or do things differently than we did last year.
Whether you call them New Year’s resolutions or goals, the fact remains that most people are striving to do better. Most people have a grand vision of what they want their lives to look like and now that you’re engaged, you’ve got two separate lives to meld into one vision.
As I’m sure you know, your vision will change over time and you can surely have some fun daydreaming about what you want to achieve in 5, 10 or even 25 years. However, it’s very easy to get swept up in the craziness of life, so here are 5 resolutions you can make with your partner that will put your relationship front and center:
Be honest about your wedding vision. I’ve seen too many stories of grooms who just let the bride create the wedding of her dreams without giving any input, or by just saying YES to every idea she has. You might think this is what your fiancee wants but it’s actually a very lonely place because she’ll think that you don’t care. In reality, this is a day to celebrate BOTH of you, so your opinion matters, too.
Make budgeting a team event. Did you know that money is the number one thing couples argue about? It’s also one of the biggest reasons for divorce, so let’s approach finances differently. At the very least, create one household budget and a separate wedding budget. For a budget to work, both partners need to be aware of their spending habits and they both need to have open communication about where to spend their money and how to save for the wedding.
Stop talking about the wedding constantly! Yes, I know this sounds counterintuitive but there ARE other things in your lives you can talk about. Why not go wedding silent for an entire weekend? Make plans for a date night. Double date with friends (and tell them NO WEDDING TALK). Basically, focus your attention on other activities and people; your plans will still be there on Monday. And if you really need to chat about the wedding, join a local wedding group online to ask questions or to simply share your planning successes with other couples.
Find activities or hobbies that you can enjoy together. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you have to give up your favorite hobbies. It’s also a time to explore new things together so you can have shared experiences that you look forward to regularly.
Focus on honest, deep communication. All too often we have superficial conversations with our partners and think that’s open communication. But how often do you go DEEP, like really diving into a topic or talking about your goals and dreams? It’s not easy for some people and it requires vulnerability and trust to talk freely and understand that your partner will support you. If you have difficulty opening up, I highly suggest some kind of pre-marital counseling. Communication is paramount in a marriage, especially when life throws you difficult situations. Knowing that you’re on the same page about finances, family, lifestyle, etc. at the beginning of your marriage will give you a great foundation.
I know…reading an outsider’s advice column makes these resolutions seem super easy. And if this is overwhelming, start with just one of these suggestions.
Or create your own New Year’s resolutions that keep your commitment and relationship as the focus. I’d love to hear what you come up with in the comments below 😉
Remember that your connection with your partner needs consistent attention so you can both thrive together throughout the years instead of veering off in different directions.