Wedding plans are to a marriage what the SAT's are to a college education: intellectually, everyone knows that one day -- or one test -- is no barometer of success or failure, but no one wants to prove that point by starting things off with a disaster....

And so a metamorphosis begins... sweet, pliant young brides-to-be evolve into hard-boiled tacticians, surrounding themselves with advisors, strategists, anyalysts. So close does this "wedding cabinet" become, that in another life, they might have been friends, they might have been family. Actually, in another life these were her friends and family, but that was before, when life was simple and the Wedding Countdown had not yet begun. Once the caterer's telephone number has been added to her speed dial list, and entire sacraments have been reduced to entries in her day planner (Confession, St. Mary's, 7:00 pm. Bring sin list.), the bride inhabits a sort of alternative universe, wherein she is both pampered Queen and frazzled worker bee. It is no wonder, then, that she may actually welcome the opportunity to slow down the pace a bit and take some time to select wedding favors that put the focus on the guest instead of on the happy couple.

Treason? Not at all.

Contrary to rumors circulated by her unmarried younger siblings, most brides are neither egocentric nor obsessive compulsive. It's just hard to be the ringmaster of the greatest show on earth without taking up residence in that center ring under the spotlight armed only with a whistle and close friend who carries a whip and chair.

Taking out wedding favors give the bride a chance to express her own creativity and to send a message to her guests that says "even when it looked like all I could think about was myself, I was really blessed to be able to share a special day with you. Thank you for being here today... and tomorrow, as we start our new life."

If that sentiment seems corny to you, it may just be that you are reading this article to far in advance of your wedding. I can assure you that brides -- and their mothers -- enter a trance-like state in the weeks before the big event, wherein all matters of the heart, all family traditions, all cultural backgrounds take on epic proportions.

I know brides who, in their pre-engagement life, didn't know the difference between the Blarney Stone and Sharon Stone. Yet, these same women combed the "Irish stores" in Leeds to find just the right Claddagh rings for their mates, and Irish blessing plaques for their loved ones.

The groom is not immune from this sudden need to make an emotional connection with his heritage on his wedding day. I am thinking particularly of one man I know who, lax thought he was of most religious observances, sent several dozen light bulbs to an early demise by using them to practice the traditional breaking of the glass by the groom at Jewish weddings. Wrapped in paper napkins, wrapped in linen ones, crushed, stomped, pulverized, the innocent light bulbs gave their lives so that the man could feel confident that he would be proficient in glass breaking as he stood before the Rabbi. And now, twenty years later, my daughters still ask to hear that story about their father!

So, if wedding favors speak for the bride and groom, what do you want yours to say? The choices have gone far beyond the old favorites (matches, imprinted swizzle sticks, tiny champagne glasses, etc.). Judy at the Trim-A-Kake Shoppe in Hughsonville says all things "angelic" are hugely popular. Tiny ceramic cherubs, personalized for your wedding day, are on their way to becoming the new classics, but at Red Hook's Party Expressions, candle motifs are catching the eye of brides who want to carry a single theme throughout their celebration: the beautiful gift candles given to the members of the wedding party are carefully re-created in miniature for each guest, right down to the colors and inscriptions.

If you can't bear the thought of your wedding favors being entombed in a dusty china closet somewhere, then you might want to select a more practical favor, such as a bookmark, a tiny china jewelry box, or maybe even the gourmet chocolate spoons that are all the rage at Country Gifts in Red Hook. While you're there, ask Carol anything about unique and elegant wedding niceties -- she is absolutely passionate about the subject!

In the Kingston area, check out Marcuse -- voted best gift shop in the Hudson Valley. Here you'll find very unusual gifts and favors. The place has a cozy boutique-like feeling, low key and sort of nurturing... a welcome change for the frazzled bride.

If sweet memories for you and your guests are what you have in mind, La Chocolatiere in the Hudson Valley Mall can customize endless candy-based chocolate favors.

Don't overlook the possibility of making your own wedding favors. (Don't panic! I said wedding favors, not wedding gown.) Tiny baskets lined with country-checked cotton and filled with candy can be decorated with imprinted ribbons in your wedding colors, or simple laced bundles of almonds can be personalized in the same way.

As in every dimension of modern life, wedding celebrations often come down to balancing the Big Two: Time and Money. With enough time, making something for each of your guests or signing tiny books of special poems, or letting the children nearest and dearest to you have a hand in making and filling homemade favors is a lovely way to stay grounded in what is really important about your wedding: sharing. But if time is at a premium, it's reassuring to know that there are places in your community that will translate your wedding favor ideas into elegant, personalized memories that your guests can take home -- along with photographs, hugs, tears and new traditions that they can add to their own family treasures.

Much happiness to all our brides!